Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Last Goodbye

      On May 3rd 1992, my son Eric Miller was killed in a one car collision.  He was home visiting with family in Louisiana. My family and I visited Louisiana very often. However, when my son began to insist that he spend some time in Louisiana with our family, I reluctantly agreed.
       After I received the phone call telling me that my beloved, beautiful and kindhearted son was killed in a car accident; I slowly began to understand why going home was so important to him.  It seemed as if I was expecting it. At first all I felt was numb, a feeling of despair. My first born, and only son, was dead. I wanted him back if only to tell him I loved him and to say goodbye one last time.  Anger filled my heart.  Nothing else was allowed inside, not even God-the one I loved and had devoted all of my life to. 
       Before my family and I returned to California, our family pastor advised us to go directly back to work and school, because it wouldn’t be good for us to stay away too long.  At the time, my heart wasn’t in it.  I found it very difficult to pick up where I had left off. 
       I worked for a travel agency, and my job was answering phones, booking air, car and hotel reservations.  Getting back to work was not easy.   As much as I loved my job, my heart wasn’t in it. I wanted to quit. I became more and more depressed until one day, toward the end of my shift, I got a phone call for a booking to Hawaii.
       I said, “Thank you for calling, this is Carolyn, how may I help you?”  The caller replied, “Hi, this is Eric Miller, I would like to book a reservation.”  I was so shocked, I wanted to hang up on him.  “Was this a joke?”  I was silent for awhile.  I took a deep breath.  Then I decided to help him.  After I completed the booking, he said, “Thank you, Carolyn, I love you.  You’re so beautiful.”  And without realizing what I was saying, I replied, “I love you too, Eric.”  Eric Miller hung up the phone.  I pressed the hold button on the telephone to stop all of my calls. At that moment, all of my anger melted away and I knew that God was still with me.  This was truly a miracle.
       It’s funny that no matter how much hurt and pain I suffered because of the loss of my son, on the day of the phone call, I was reminded that God did not put anymore on me than I could bear.
      Even though I knew that I wasn’t speaking to my son, I do believe in the power of God and that He is still creating miracles in our lives.  I thanked God for letting me know that Eric was alright and for giving me the opportunity for one last goodbye. 


“I believe that we all have a purpose in life.  No matter what that purpose is and no matter how many obstacles are put before us, we will eventually come to the realization of what that purpose is and graciously accept what God wants us to do.”
                                                                                   Carolyn L. Miller

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